As you know from my story, I was a teacher before I was a parent so Gerry Brooks is a humorous celebrity principal that I have followed on social media for years. His YouTube videos help teachers laugh for a moment and gain the strength to keep fighting the good fight. His recent book, “Go See The Principal” was one of the best parenting books I have read. Today I wanted to share some amazing reflection points that caused me to pause as a parent.
If this book isn’t already on your summer reading list, I wanted to share my top 15 takeaways that resonated with me as a parent. This will be one of the best books to read in 2019.
1. Is my kid successful? Is my kid happy?
We had a conflict with my daughter’s teacher one year. I was not a fan and after months of a pit in my stomach and weighing our limited options, we made a choice to just accept the hand we were dealt. My child had settled in and adjusted to make the best of it. She had great friends in her class and two supportive parents that would be able to catch her up later if needed. So I made a firm, but polite request with the principal to never have this teacher again through changing grade level assignments or future children, and we looked the other way. I assure you I communicated with the teacher, tried to work things out, and all of that for the first few months of school. It was clear this wasn’t going to be a good match and sometimes you need to step back and just reflect on if your kid is successful and happy and move on.
2. Kids listen
How you talk about school and your teacher shapes your child’s view of education forever. Be frustrated with your teacher or the testing season or tomorrow’s science fair deadline. But keep your cool until after bedtime. If you are having a conflict with the teacher, try not to discuss it in front of your child. I’ve had teachers I loved and teachers that made me want to flip a table – – – and I know this isn’t always easy, but I had no doubt when reading this book that it was important to be a united front, supporting the school and teacher. It was the right path and a challenge worth taking on.
3. Class placement
As a teacher, I know that teachers have a tremendous amount of information about social and academic pairings from data and what they have witnessed within their four walls as well as information shared by other members of the school community. While I may hear on the soccer field that so-and-so is the best second grade teacher and I might feel that asking for a best friend to be in her class is the right move as a mom, there are so many moving pieces involved in making class placements. I need to remember that this is a big picture decision that needs to meet the needs of all students in the grade and my requests may not be the most critical in a given year, but it doesn’t mean the school doesn’t respect our family or didn’t listen.
4. Support staff members sometimes feel invisible
Sometimes as a teacher, the to-do list is overwhelming and it’s hard to look around and see the big picture. As a parent, I have some breathing room in my day right now and I want to make sure that I make an effort to remember members of the support staff. My child’s teacher will likely receive a luncheon, gifts in their mailbox, cards, and gifts. The crossing guard, cafeteria workers, custodian, crossing guard, librarian, paraprofessional, art teacher, gym teacher, and music teacher may not be included. I want to make sure they receive at least one gift, one card, one sincere thank you each year.
Reading this book, I realized that the more specific I can be with my thanks in how they are shaping the school community, the better chance that they will continue to feel like a valued member of the team and bring their best for our kids each and every day. Children thrive with positive, specific feedback and so do I as an adult. That member of the support staff team might be the first person to see a change in a child and have the power to speak up to another member of the staff. It takes a village to make sure they feel appreciated. Some families may not know the inner workings of a school well enough to know what a huge part of the culture they are but I do know and I need to make sure I take the time to make sure they aren’t forgotten.
5. Event planning
I remember wanting to know every detail of the first day of Kindergarten so I could plan and make the day perfect for my daughter. When reading this book I remembered that the only one putting more thought into planning a high profile day like this than a momma bear, would be the school. No one at school wants a mob of unorganized Kindergarteners or stressed parents. It made me smile to read these reflections from a principal’s perspective and I will now remind myself how much thought and planning goes into the big events at school. I don’t need to worry about the forgotten details.
6. School supplies
I know that Rose Art and Crayola crayons are not the same. I know that Ticonderoga pencils and Expo markers make a difference. We stick to the list and always provide some extras for students who may not be able to fulfill the whole list in hopes it can slightly delay the teacher’s need for an out of pocket trip to the office supply store. That being said, I could do a better job looking more closely at whether every school supply should be labeled so they don’t get lost or if the intent is for supplies to be shared among the community, name free. This isn’t a small thing – this is a big thing and I was grateful to read this reminder in the book.
7. Ask for what you need
One day my daughter and I were working on paper dolls at the table. I was supervising for safety and also trying to gently teach scissor skills. She made it clear that I was not teaching scissor skills in the same way they practiced at school. Her preschool teacher is phenomenal and has more expertise in the area of fine motor skills than I do so I sent her a humble message asking for a tutorial on how they are teaching it in school.
Teachers are not mind readers and they do not always know what we need, but if we ask they are often willing to help.
Is the way homework is formatted driving you bonkers? Maybe the folder system? Teachers may want to hear that feedback and better days could be just that one humble request away. It is OK to ask for what you need.
8. “What I actually know about….”
This was one of my favorite ideas of the book. Every once in a while, pause and ask what you actually know about a topic. Before you suggest a better way to run an event, celebrate a holiday, go about assigning homework, fundraise, teach reading, etc ask yourself “What do I actually know about _____?”
As a middle school band director, when a family paused and realized they didn’t know how to clean an instrument safely after an illness or purchase a step up instrument or choose concert repertoire that accomplished the needs of all students in the group, sometimes they would begin a conversation and reach out to learn more from someone who might have background knowledge on that topic (me). Often we could have a wonderful conversation and this book helped me to reflect as a parent how that stems from the bravery to pause and reflect before offering a quick suggestion of a better way.
9. Ask “What Do You Need?”
Sometimes I wonder as a parent, if my child’s teacher wishes we were doing XYZ. After reading this book, I realized that it is OK to just ask once in a while what the teacher needs. Teachers might be running low on a particular supply for the classroom or which they had an extra pair of hands to help with a bulletin board or laminating so that they could work on a pile of grading or parent phone calls. Maybe that teacher is moving classrooms or grade levels and could use help packing up the room. A few times a year, asking a teacher if there is anything you could help take off their plate may move mountains. Even if they say, No, they will breathe a sigh of relief and get an energy boost from the gesture of asking.
10. Is this lunch right for my child?
Can my child open this independently? Can my child eat this in the alloted time? School lunch lines are long and lunch period is brief. I want my child to have some time to unwind and socialize and what I pack for lunch matters.
If I want my child to be able to fill their stomach and have some time to relax, then I need to pack something they can eat quickly and without the preparation help of another adult in the cafeteria.
I will try to add some lunchbox notes and jokes to the mix and reflect carefully about what we pack for lunch and snack. I was grateful for the perspectives shared in this book.
11. Speak up about social stress
Teachers know a lot about social pairings. They observe our children in many settings and know a lot about which kids are the best of friends and who does best with a little bit of space. Still, there are times where teachers may not know about the level of anxiety that a certain situation is causing for a student. As a parent, we should always communicate with our children about what they do and do not want shared, but mentioning social stress to a teacher helps them have a more complete picture during the day and it is an advocacy role that is important for a parent.
12. Share good news
Teacher gifts are nice, but nothing beats a heartfelt note mentioning even a single moment from the year that your family appreciated. An email to the principal is probably the only thing better than a handwritten note or card. Teachers often feel tired, defeated, and beaten down. These notes mean the world to them and may just help them fight the good fight for a few more days. It might even help them find the extra strength to plan a rigorous, hands-on, differentiated activity for the upcoming curriculum topic.
13. Open the bag
Teachers work hard to communicate in a wide variety of ways and communicate often. Sometimes, I fail as a parent by not opening the backpack at home. Try to make a routine that involves checking the backpack. Even if it usually doesn’t have anything newsworthy, check for the day that it might. It means the world to your teacher to see that you are going through the backpack regularly.
14. Memories
Just as teachers have reputations, parents do too. I know that teachers remember parents who are supportive and caring and kind and work as a team towards common goals. I also know that teachers remember parents who yell and question and criticize as well. I try in Kindergarten, to be a parent that a first grade teacher will be happy to inherit. Every year, I try to remember the big picture reputation of my child and the role that I play in it. Reading this book helped me remember so many ways that I could improve and do better to contribute to a positive school experience.
15. Is my kid successful/happy?
I think this is important enough to mention one extra time. When things get stressful as a parent, pause to ask if your child is successful and happy. At the end of the day, this is all that matters. There will be peers and teachers that they do not like. There will be projects and assignments that they do not love. There will be moments of disappointment along the way in any school year. But overall if the child seems happy at school and is successful, it is OK to take a breath and just let the year run its course.
This is one of the best parenting books I have read. The best advice sometimes comes from the places where we expect it the least. If you didn’t know principal Gerry Brooks, I’m so honored that I could introduce you to him. Take an afternoon to read this book and reflect on how his perspective about the school community could shape your parenting.
It took me a lot of time and bravery to decide if I wanted to be a Working Mom, a Stay At Home Mom, or a Work At Home Mom. If you are struggling with this decision, or know someone who is then grab a copy of my FREE decision making workbook below and check out the following related posts.
